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Chapter X Obstacles in a Mentoring Relationship During the course of a mentoring relationship, the mentor and mentee may experience "roadblocks." Roadblocks are obstacles that could hinder a developing relationship. There are obstacles unique to a mentor and obstacles that only a mentee may encounter. The following are obstacles that could confront a mentor: A mentoring style that does not meet the mentee’s needs or suit you: What happens when ...a highly organized mentor has a mentee with a relaxed work style?... a creative mentee has a mentor who practices the "old school of thought?"... an assertive mentor has a mentee with a reserved personality? Of course you can guess what would happen ...frustration! As a mentor, your style of mentoring may not always match the needs of your mentee. Your mentoring style has a lot to do with who you are and how you work. If you are a detail-oriented person, you probably tend to give extensive directions or outline each step of an assignment. If you are a person who tends to see the "big picture," you probably are more inclined to give looser, perhaps even vague directions to your mentee. Of course, noting these differences does not make one style better than the other. However, differences in styles between you and your mentee can pose as an obstacle. Both of you need to understand each other’s styles. Be flexible, but remember that disorganization and sloppiness warrant improvement rather than acceptance. Frustration may also occur when you don’t adapt your style to meet the developing needs of your mentee: As your relationship evolves, your mentee’s confidence grows as skills develop and successes are relished. You need to adjust your mentoring techniques to keep in sync with your mentee’s evolution. In time, detailed directions or certain problem-solving strategies may be considered stifling by your developing mentee. Consider giving less and accepting more from your mentee. Once you evaluate your mentee and discover the required amount of guidance, you can determine what style is appropriate for your mentee. Insufficient time: Another potential obstacle for mentors is insufficient time. Some mentors can’t seem to devote enough time to their mentee. Other commitments in your schedule may prevent you from spending time with your mentee. If you start to sacrifice time with your mentee because of other commitments, he or she may lose faith in you and your mentoring relationship will suffer. Another obstacle involving time occurs when a mentor expects too much progress from the mentee, in an unrealistic amount of time. You need to give your mentee time to grow professionally and to make mistakes along the way. Try not to be impatient with your mentee and expect too much to soon. A mentee’s supervisor feeling excluded: Unless you are your mentee’s supervisor, you may find that your mentee’s supervisor feels excluded from the mentoring relationship. It is imperative that you do not undermine the authority of your mentee’s supervisor. A mentee who has a hidden agenda: Another possible obstacle is a mentee who has a hidden agenda. A hidden agenda is an ulterior motive for forming the relationship. For instance, some mentees seek out high-level, respected mentors with the misguided intent of only furthering their own careers, thus overlooking the significant other benefits of mentoring. Hidden agendas are harmful to the mentoring relationship because the relationship is built on deceit. If you think that your mentee has a "hidden agenda," you may want to discuss the issue tactfully. Remember never directly accuse your mentee. Question your mentee, but don’t push the issue. An inappropriate attitude on the part of the mentee: Another possible obstacle involves a mentee’s inappropriate attitude toward the mentoring relationship. Some mentees expect too much from their mentors - demanding more time and attention than they actually need. Others may expect to control their mentors. Be firm with your mentee about commitments and responsibilities. In terms of social etiquette, you must be supportive of your mentee and sensitive to cultural differences. For example, in some cultures, there is a preference towards modesty, reserve and control. Whereas with another culture, directness or emotionally intense, dynamic, and demonstrative behavior is considered appropriate. The mentor is not the only one in the partnership who may have to confront an obstacle. Obstacles may arise for the mentee too. A mentee may confront obstacles such as the following: Peer jealousy: One problem for a mentee is the jealousy of peers who do not have a mentor. When others see a mentee getting key assignments and advancing rapidly, professional jealousy can occur. By the mentor showing a mentee how to act as an advisor, he or she can gain leadership experience and perhaps diffuse some of the jealousy. If this does not work, the mentor can advise the mentee to look at this as another opportunity for learning and to use his or her interpersonal skills to deal with the situation. Being accused of "holding on to the coat tails of another": Another obstacle that a mentee may encounter is the attitude of others who believe that he or she got to be a mentee by practicing the "holding on to the coat tails of another" theory. This theory suggests that a mentee is not earning respect and advancing by his or her own merit but through his or her association with the mentor. The mentor needs to allow the capability of the mentee to show for itself. The mentee should not add "fuel to the fire" by divulging information about the relationship. One party overstepping professional boundaries: Another problem that both the mentee and a mentor could face is when one party oversteps the professional boundaries of the relationship. This occurs when one party wants the relationship to become more "personal." This type of obstacle sometimes occurs in cross-gender mentoring relationships. The fact that mentoring involves a close and confidential relationship between an experienced and less experienced employee could result in this obstacle. This obstacle should not deter a cross-gender mentoring relationship. It only means that people should be sensitive to the perceptions of each other. The mentor falling from favor: Another obstacle a mentee might face is a mentor falling from favor and others looking with disapproval at the mentor. This is an obstacle which calls for careful reflection when professional needs and opportunities have to be balanced against personal loyalty and integrity. If possible, the mentee should discuss the "issue of contention" with the mentor. Once the mentor or mentee evaluates the relationship, they may find themselves in a mentor-mentee relationship that cannot be salvaged. Only after all other efforts to remedy the problem have been tried should the mentor and mentee consider ending the relationship for adverse reasons.
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